how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
