found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who died my cat blue again?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
