I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
