im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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