I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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