Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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