Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
