I am spending my child support on dildos
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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