I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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