Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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