Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
