I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize