he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
