hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
