We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
