with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
