My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
