everyone is single if you try hard enough
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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