i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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