U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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