I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
