Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
this hospital has no fireball
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
