She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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