Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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