it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
