I'm gonna have a badass scar
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
