just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
