dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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