she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
They took my balls.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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