Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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