I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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