Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
