ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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