I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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