happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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