she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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