my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
