she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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