There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
