Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
