Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
