I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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