we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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