Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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