So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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