I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
