do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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