Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize