I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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