I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
