i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize