life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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