Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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