if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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