How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
