Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize