im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
