Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
