Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
