Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
