You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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