Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Randomize
