i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
