I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
