So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
