You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
