I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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