I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
