that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are we still banned from the library?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
