Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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