Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize