Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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