sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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