I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
