We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
